Wednesday, August 31, 2005

 

For the record, nobody here is crabby

Oy, I just finished traveling 19 hours to get to Krabi, Thailand. It's on the Andaman Coast kind of east of Phuket. Not sure if the tsunami hit here, so I will ask tomorrow. A serious change of pace from KL.

I was sorry to leave Kuala Lumpur. Had a good time there with the group I found. I told everyone at home before I left that I was going to meet a real surfer from Australia or Hawaii, and I can now cross that off my list. A nice boy from Hawaii spent yesterday traipsing around the city with me in search of more Indian food and postcards. It was fun to be with an American for a couple of days, too. No accent barriers and no second-hand smoke. Tried to get an invite to stop and visit when I head home, but he won't be there then because he's surfing one spot in Sumatra for the next three months. I gotta find something I can get that passionate about. Maybe just surfers in general, huh?

In Krabi, I have the best room yet of the trip. It's all colors of blue with a huge, real mattress, gauzy curtains and not a speck of dirt. I think I will stay here a few nights. I signed up for a snorkeling tour tomorrow of Ko Phi Phi. No, I haven't ever snorkled but am ready to try. Lots of people I have met are divers, but I think I am too claustraphobic for that (and poor). Other things I plan do this week are a cooking course, elephant trek and canoe trek. And the book I have chosen at the moment is "Wuthering Heights," so that's going to take some time to lumber through.

Here's something I keep noticing: The same Garfield duffle bag is following me around Southeast Asia. No matter where you go, all the crap for sale in the markets is the same. Same fake LVs, same fake Chanel sunglasses and this same little Garfield duffle bag. A whole bunch of the local people are carrying the Garfield duffle. I see it in the 7-Eleven, on the train, walking to work. It's kind of funny to me. Might have to get one.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

 

Going north

Going to Thailand tonight on the train; heading to a place called Krabi first. I may have even spelled that wrong. I've been happily occupied in KL the last few days so I will catch up on my Thailand reading on the train tonight.

Went out for some nightlife this weekend. Me, a Brit named Gabby, a 20-year-old Irishman and a 6' Swedish girl. We were very tall. The Irish guy kept tellng me I was a genuine American. Not sure what he meant? We found a bar that offered nonstop free cocktails to women, so that was our club of choice for the evening. Nothing that interesting happened but is was fun to be out at night for once. Then last night, a couple of other guys joined our group and we went to a hookah bar near our hostel. No hookah for us, just Tiger Beer.

I read in one of my guidebooks that at night when the malls close, the teens come out and have breakdance comps on the sidewalks. I was dying to find one to watch, but no luck.

Tried to go back up in the Petronas Towers this afternoon, no tickets left.

I have been walking miles and miles everyday which is a great balance to the yummy food I keep finding. But sometimes a steaming plate of noodles doesn't sound good when you're steaming yourself. So, lots of water. I'm talking about water now, so I'll say goodbye till something more interesting happens.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

 

Reporting from the Malaysian jungle, this is Amy

Returned to KL this afternoon from my jungle adventure. No major animal sightings such as a leopard; far too many humans around for them to get close. But I saw several snakes, deer and huge jungle bugs. The grasshoppers here make the little ones in Eastern Washington look like a one-bite snack.

One of the best parts of this weekend was traipsing along the "Canopy Walk" in the park. It takes about 30 minutes to walk from one end to the other, and once you're up there you aren't allowed to turn back. It was wobbly good fun.

Most interesting was visiting a Bateq tribal village that's currently camped near the tourist area of the park (because they're paid to, let's remember). Our guide took our boat to their village, and we saw how to make poison darts, shoot them through the blow pipe and start a fire with bamboo shavings. We were allowed to go inside their huts and take photos of the people, but I felt much too intrusive just peering into the huts so instead took a couple of photos out on the grounds. It hit me how different my life is from theirs and I asked my guide some questions. The answers: They never leave the part of the jungle around which they make their camp. They don't ever go into the town that's closest to the park. They don't see newspapers or magazines. Nobody ever leaves the tribe to enter the other part of the world for good. Some of the tourists bring them chocolate or clothing, but those are about the only non-jungle items they have. And once a month, the government sends boats of rice, tarps and medicine down the river for them. I thought about all this for a long time. What if living in the jungle was all you ever knew?

One of the tribal men was wearing a digital watch. Couldn't get close enough to see if it showed the correct day/time. I had to wonder what need he would have for a watch, but maybe it was a trinket from a tourist or guide. I was just waiting for another one to walk by with an iPod clipped to his sarong.

I am officially the filthiest I have ever been as of today, so getting cleaned up is first on my list now that I'm back to civlization. One of the main challenges of backpacking is trying to get yourself clean at the very same time you have something to wear that's clean. They rarely coincide, but I left a clean outfit at the hostel here. Full cleanliness will happen today.

Talked with Mom and Dad briefly this morning, which narrowed the space between me and all of you for about 15 minutes. It was the last couple of hours of Mom's birthday in Spokane. They had just been to Luna for dinner and wine. My birthday dinner was a glass of Tang and a fried river fish. Head and all. Yum.

Friday, August 26, 2005

 

Jungle time

Now, how many gals can say they spent their birthday floating in a wooden boat down a Malaysian jungle river? I can!

So glad to report that the last week has pretty much convinced me I am back on track.

Left KL today on a bus and landed smack in the middle of Malaysia in a town called Jerantut. I hopped on a long, wooden boat with a bunch of other backpackers and three hours later I am in the middle of the jungle.

The river water looks like a latte. And the trees and plants, oh my gosh. Mother Nature saved her best green velvet and unfurled it all here. You can see smoke rising in the trees from what I like to think are the campfires in the jungle villages. My tour this weekend includes a night 'safari' walk, a visit to a hide (still not sure what a hide is), the jungle trek, crossing an elevated rope bridge and some other stuff on which I'll report.

I had a nice chat with a handsome but married Frenchman on the boat who filled me in on where to go in Vietnam if I last that long in this humidity. He also said the Italy idea was pretty good, too. I didn't ask why he's been traveling alone for nine months without his wife. Maybe the ring is a fake to ward off girls like me.

Also met my first Americans today. Two boys from Denver heard me talking in a restaurant and headed over for some travel chat. They lamented that their mother didn't allow them to bring their portable DVD players on the trip. I assured them it was for the better.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

 

Hed goes here hed goes here

I went to the tallest building in the world today, the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. You may have seen photos of it; it's the one with the two silver towers and the horizontal viewing deck connecting the two in the middle. I didn't get to go up there because they only allow 1400 people per day to the viewing deck. If you're not there first thing in the morning, you're out of luck. The towers look evil to me; all of the Islamic-designed buildings do, and they're all over the place here.

KL has a pretty good vibe. It's retail heaven, even more than Jakarta. Fairly expensive, but it is a big city, of course. I rigged myself up with a different daypack, so I got the retail therapy I needed and purchased a necessary item.

My hostel room has air conditioning, air conditioning!

Tomorrow morning I am off on a three-day jungle trek. This is one of the big deal things I have on my trip list. You never know what you're getting into with these tour dealies, but it's worth a try and a good price. They ask you to bring a supply of things like toothpaste and matches to get the leeches off your skin. Oh, my god.

Because of where I'm at, very many of the women here are covered in black gowns and veils. Just their heavily made-up eyes peek out of two little holes. And I'm thinking that although I understand it's part of the religious culture here, it must be awful to be in two layers, the top one black, in this sunshine, heat and humidity. They must get used to it? Of course their husbands are happily walking next to them in shorts and Ts. Hmmmmmmmm, something's not quite right there.

I'm getting stared at again here, but now they're calling me beautiful and lovely when I walk by instead of angrily yelling at me. If they think I'm beautiful now, they should catch me after a shower and some lip gloss. I catch myself in the mirror a couple of times a day, and I would call my look "backpacker horrid."

See you when I return from the real jungle. My niece has asked me to please bring her a monkey, so I think this trek is my chance to adopt one.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

 

On to another country

Wrapped up seeing Singapore this afternoon. Tonight I am catching up on e-mails and getting organized again. I liked it here; it's been a good break from the dirtiness of Java, although the hostel and I am pretty grungy. Singapore is nicely thought out. It's simple as pie to get around town, it's sparkling clean and 100 percent of the people I have encountered have been friendly. It's also much too expensive to stay even another day, so I am headed to Kuala Lumpur on the bus tomorrow morning.

The food here has been the best so far. I am completely inspired to start cooking more creatively as soon as I get home. There's no reason to eat all that processed stuff we have in America after I have seen how quickly these fresh foods can be turned into a satisfying meal.

Not sure how I'm feeling about my trip plans at the moment. I am trying to give myself a few days to get out of my head and not think about it.

I spent the day with two British women who were on a bit of a shopping spree because they're flying home tomorrow. I learned some new words: knackered (exhausted. And I am knackered at the moment), nicked (stolen) and "sod it," which I think means something like dammit or forget about it . They got to talking about how much they all despise Bush in England. I quickly clarified that I didn't vote for him, and they said that's what every American says. Then we got on the subject of mullets, and that was much more fun. But there's not a long stretch from Bush to mullets, is there? I think they thought I am hard of hearing because I kept asking them to repeat themselves with the accent difference. But it was lovely to listen to all these Brits for the last five days.

Still no Americans wherever I go. Not that I'm in need of finding any, but I am surprised I haven't seen any. Except for "America via Lombock," right, Carmell?

The hostel is exactly like high school. The hot girls all sit in a pile and throw crumpled paper at the cute guys, the nerds gather in a circle to talk about where to go buy electronics and the rest of us wonder how the hot girls can possibly have actual hairstyles and outfits put together. They have earrings and belts and everything. Where does their bug spray go if they're carrying around handbags?

Happy birthday to Carmell today!

Monday, August 22, 2005

 

Today was zoorific

Hey everyone. Went to the Singapore Zoo today. It was so good I was tempted to buy a $39 T-shirt so I can advertise for them. I'm usually animal-neutral, but this place knocked my socks off. Took tons of photos. My card reader got squished in my backpack, thus no photos posted until I can find a cafe with a reader I can use.

Going to bed now. Wonder who I'll sleep next to this evening. You guys are just getting to work now on Monday morning.

All the Isuzu Troopers on the roads here for some reason all have a bumper sticker in the window that shows 'Total Assy' -- I think that's funny every time I see it.

I'm getting sick, I can tell. It's from that Indonsian woman who let all the people into my cabin on the ship and coughed on me for 28 hours straight. I hope she's sunbathing with loud headphones on when the next tsunami rolls in.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

 

Seeing Singapore

A day does make a difference. I slept for 14 hours last night and woke up ready to make the most of Singapore. I made friends with the man I slept next to at the hostel. They put more than 25 people in one room, so I found myself in between two men. That was certainly a first. Anyway, one of my bunkmates and I found our way to an island just next to Singapore called Sentosa. We saw an herb garden, the bird show and took the gondola to get there and back. The gondola isn't like in Spokane where it's a few feet off the ground; this one was way up in the sky, pretty fun.

Tonight, I went on a walking tour of Little India, the neighborhood in which my hostel is located. I made new a few friends in just a few hours, and now I have people to spend the rest of my time here with and a gal who I am meeting in KL next week who is also interested in traveling into Thailand.

So today was much better, more like it should be. It's been great to talk with people all day long and not feel a bit sorry for myself. I have hopes the rest of the week here will be as fun.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

 

OK, then, how do you say hello in Italian?

I am here in Singapore and glad to be. I wasn't at all sad to see Indonesia get smaller and smaller as the ship churned away from Java.

I've had a few crappy days, guys.

Someone has drained my travel Visa card and left me with 35 cents. I think it's someone from the hotel in Jakarta. I'm not worried because the funds are secured by Visa, but it's a hassle to figure this out. I have another cash fund so everything is OK moneywise. It's just lousy that it happened.

Everywhere I have gone for days and days in Indonesia I have been followed, harassed, yelled at, pestered, touched and laughed at by the locals. It is constant. Sometimes they think I am funny, other times it's like they are mad at me, and that's a little creepy. At the mall, on the sidewalk, all the time wherever I go. I am certain this is because I am a woman who is alone. I have tried to be friendly and tell them no thank you. I tried to be a big bitch and tell them to go away in Indonesian, but neither response works.

(For example, I am sitting inside a booth inside an Internet cafe right now, and a man just came in to interrupt me and ask me to buy a phone card. He's not talking to anyone else in here; he just wants to get some money from me.)

I spent the last two days and one night on a ship from Java to Singapore. I was in a cabin with three Indoneisan women. The first evening, they started letting men INTO THE CABIN. These men would pull back the curtains on my bunk and they would look at me trying to sleep. They pretended to read my books, stuck their little feet in my big shoes, poked me awake, tried to talk with me. Then people would start knocking on the cabin window. The women in my cabin would pull back those curtains and my bunk curtain so the people standing outside the window could see me. I pulled the curtains closed, told them to stop in Indonesian, go to sleep. They just laughed and laughed. I went to the ship's security office to ask them what to do about it, and the man there explained that because I was traveling alone that I had to expect some attention. Apparently, strange men entering my cabin and touching me falls under that attention category.

Singapore is a new country, a fresh start; my hostel is jammed with backpackers and I am going to make some new friends. But I will tell you this: If the same thing keeps happening on the way to Bangkok, I am jetting to Italy for two weeks then flying home and looking for a job.

Some of you who are travel-experienced will pat my hand and tell me that this is part of traveling, that I will get used to it, when in Rome and all that. But gosh, I just don't have to spend the next 12 weeks getting harassed by stinky little people, do I? I can go to Italy, drink really good coffee and smile at beautiful Italian men.

Sorry for the negative report. I am going to try and get this trip back on track this week.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

 

Slinging to Singapore

Crossing the border Saturday into Singapore. I will take a 24-hour boat trip from Java up to Palau Batam, then a quick ferry to Singapore. I have "met" a NY woman on the travel boards who will be in the city when I am, so I will have a travel friend after 11 days of being alone. Looking forward to some English!

I have spent most of my time in Jakarta in traffic, to tell the truth. The buses are super crowded and probably not real smart way for a gal to get around, so I have opted for cabs the last couple of days. Had a minor problem chasing down my ticket to Singapore, but everything is ready to go now. Lots of driving around getting to the correct ticket agent.

The last three days have been the hottest yet for this trip. Might be all the tall buildings, concrete and cars here generating a higher temperature. No appetite to eat anything hot, so I have been drinking cans of this soda called "Pocari Sweat." It's kind of like Gatorade and doesn't taste sweaty at all.

Hey, I got asked on a date by an Indonesian man yesterday. I laughed and then felt bad because I thought he was joking, but he wasn't. I had been people-watching on a bench and we started chatting. He was clean and didn't try to sell me a tour so I was glad for the conversation. Unfortunately, I will be in another country by the time he gets a day off next week, but it was real nice of him to ask.

Tried to go to Indonesia's national museum today. On the walk over there, I was stopped by a policeman and asked to stand still while the president's motorcade passed. Pretty cool to run into the ol' president while I am here. I waved at his extra-fancy Mercedes. I was pleased with that turn of events until I reached the museum on the next block. Apparently the prez had some kind of engagement at the museum and it was closed to the public for the day. I asked if they might make an exception for a grimy backpacker from Canada, but I was told to leave. The president' security dudes wear spats! That didn't enhance their toughness at all. I fantasized that they would rip off their arm bands and break into a production number of "Puttin' on the Ritz" by Taco, but it didn't happen. I miss the Eighties every day of my life.

Here are some funny names of stores I have passed:
1. Camel Active (for the shepherd who likes to stay fit)
2. Women's Secret (will somebody please tell me? I was never told.)
3. Gosh. That's it. Just Gosh.
4. Haleluya. This was a Christian book store, no joke.
5. Bread Talk. Come in here, honey. Take a slice and let's get talking!

A lot of the people on motorbikes wear bandanas around their mouths and noses because of all the exhaust. It's like traveling among a huge pack of motorbike bandits.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

 

So that's what being clean feels like

In the past weeks, Carmell and I talked about this travel concept that you have to "say yes to everything." I had one of those good experiences yesterday: A man working in the post office -- who explains to people like me that Indonesians DO NOT lick their stamps but rather use the wet sponge -- proceeded to lead me outside onto the sidewalk and negotiated with a becak driver to take me somewhere he is very excited about. I said "yes!" and climed on the becak (a bicycle with a carriage on it) and figured I would hop off if things felt fishy. My 10-cent ride landed me down a little street and into a batik factory, yay! I got a tour of the batik process and bought myself a small piece to take home. This was the real deal, not the printed stuff that is sold in most of the batik shops. It's probably my first piece of actual art.

Got to Jakarta at 5 a.m. today. The train played Michael Jackson videos on the way. The train cars smelled like the old Gung Ho restaurant in Spokane, a special mix of fried rice and cigarette smoke. In the middle of the ride, at about 2 a.m., we stopped somewhere on the line to pick up more people. While stopped, these food sellers climb aboard and start hollering "nasi goreng!" (fried rice) and wake up absolutely everyone. Who the hell wants nasi goreng at 2 in the morning?

It would have been plain stupid to wander around the hostel neighborhood alone in the dark, so this was one of those times when I got to opt for a real hotel ($49). Don't think I was bummed about that! I spent 10 luxurious hours surrounded by clean sheets and the Style Network. Had a real bath with hot water and got reorganized to head back to backpacker's reality. The hotel's complimentary breakfast buffet would have impressed Martha Stewart. I ate enough so I wouldn't have to buy another meal today, helping to offset the cost of the room.

Next, found a passable hostel and bargained the owner down to $5 a night. I'm getting better at negotiating. My room for the week is the opposite of last night: I think it might actually have been a chicken coop at one time. But it's seemingly secure. It's interesting, when shopping for a backpacker's hotel room, how your instinct will tell you it's OK or that you should turn around and leave. The difference between what $3 and $8 can get you is huge.

Tomorrow is Indonesia's Independence Day, so I will get to see some parades and other good things at the festival.

Not many tourist in my neighborhood but I don't seem to be the afternoon's entertainment here. Seems like the concept of using deoderant has reached the people of Jakarta, a relief after the last three weeks. Not that I'm smelling like my Chanel lately.

I'm soooooooper lonely. Where are the other travelers?

Sunday, August 14, 2005

 

What, no yoga in Yogya?

Ahhh, two days of downtime before traveling again. I have gone from Kuta, Bali, over to Yogyakarta on Java. Lots to tell you about so forget about a properly short blog entry ...

Surfing school could not have been better! Three women, two men. I wasn't the weakest or the largest in the class, so I had an advantage at that even if it's pathetic. We spent an hour paddling around the pool at the Hard Rock Hotel before we went to the ocean. The only thing distracting me at the hotel "beach" was the little boy who was using his prosthetic foot as a sand toy, bless his heart and ingenuity. We then hauled our surfboards to the real deal. I have never felt cooler, my friends, than walking to the beach with a surfboard under my arm. They paired each of us up with a surfing instructor and we set out into the waves. I swear one of the men in my class was crying. Over and over, I got in trim on that board and tried my best to pop up, hunker down and surf. I actually did it about three times for two seconds each, and it felt great! The rest of the time was spent falling, slipping and laughing. I got some cool scrapes on my knees and one cut that I have hopes will turn into a scar. So glad I tried surfing. Photo to come ...

Found myself in Surabaya, Indo's second biggest city, this week. Not another white person, black person or even Japanese person in sight. I went to the huge mall to enjoy some air conditioning. People followed me around. Children hid in their mothers' skirts when they got a look at me. Men pointed and broke into gales of laughter at the sight of me. I thought I had forgotten my clothes, but no. It was just the giant white lady again. I will get used to it. I stopped for soup, and outside the restaurant window, people stopped and watched me eat. I tried to keep a sense of humor, but it was pretty weird.

Next stop was Yogya, where I am now. Met some girls (women, sorry) from Australia last night. We had some beers and swapped stories. That's what I have been waiting for, and I look forward to meeting many more folks as I go along.

Jakarta is next. It will be the largest city I visit, almost 10 million people. A little nervous about it, but caution and being aware help quite a bit. A man today tried to lead me down an empty alley to get me to the entrance of the sultan's temple. That's when I turned and walked quickly in the opposite direction.

Saw a jaguar and a lion at the zoo in Surabaya. The jaguar looked pretty bad ass. I suppose the lion did, too.

This mall in Surabaya was the largest building I have entered in my life. I can easily estimate more than 1,000 stores there. Six levels, each about as big as Northtown in Spokane (anyone remember Skagg's?). At various open spaces in the mall, stores were doing product "game shows" to sell merchandise: Clearasil, stereos, beds. Shoppers would step up onto a stage and do karaoke or dance to earn better discounts or samples. It was a sight. One store that sold bathroom fixtures had an entire bathroom in Hello Kitty. What would be cuter than taking a bubble bath in a Hello Kitty tub? Nothing! A bottle of OPI nail polish costs $14.50, but a night at a hotel is $10, figure that out.

The man on the train next to me going to Yogya talked me up for a couple of minutes before we got rolling. He then rose from his seat and addressed the rest of the passengers in the car to tell them I was a tourist named Amy from Canada.

On the train was a teen-age Japanese basketball team. They shrieked and screamed and laughed the entire eight hours. It must have been penance for my own behavior when I was 15.

See you in Jakarta!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

 

Last couple of days on Bali

Hi, Everyone! I like to think that the vacation ended yesterday and the journey begins today. Carmell is well on her way to Tokyo, then back home to the USA. I am all alone on the other side of the planet now. All by myself. Traveling solo. Not for long, though, I have hopes.

My surfing lessons are in about four hours, I am super excited. When I signed up yesterday, I was the only person on the list. If I am lucky it will end up being a private lesson and I will be shredding waves within an hour. More likely I will break my ankle tripping on the leash on the walk to the beach. But if I can just get up on the board a few times for a few seconds, I will be satisfied. I talked last night with the surfer who has the room next to mine at my inn. He told me, very seriously, to cancel my lessons today because he's afraid I'll become addicted to surfing and that it will take over my life like it did with him. I wish!

Now that I think I have figured out how to attach them, here are some photos from the last couple of weeks. (I am working on how to place them next to the text. I can't seem to get it to work.)

This is my favorite store on Bali:












If you're interested, this is the site from the Bali bombing in 2002. The big memorial is across the street; this photo is the site where the club was.

















Here is one of the cute monkeys from the sacred monkey forest in Ubud:
















That's probably it for a few days while I travel. I am going to work my way off Bali tomorrow or Friday and onto the island of Java. My next big destination is Jakarta; I get to take my first train ride to get there. I am so excited to get to Bangkok that I want to plow through and get up there, but I will take it easy and remember to take in everything on the way.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

 

I am no match for these mosquitos

The connection speed at this particular Internet spot is so slow, I can't stand it. I am trying to enjoy the air conditioning while being patient. Two days in Lovina is enough for me. So few tourists here that when you pass by the front of the restaurants, they implore you to come inside for a drink. Then, every man we pass by asks us if we need "transport" to the hot springs or the spa or to see the dolphins. Literally, every man we pass. So it's time to move on.

On Thursday morning, we will journey to Gili Trawangan, one of the three Gili islands off the coast of Lombok, the island east of Bali. Carmell is taking me there as my birthday present, isn't that nice? Hopefully more festive there than here. I have Carmell withme for only another week or so, then I am on my own. I can stay in Indonesia until Aug. 23, then I have to be out of here and into Malaysia.

Tonight's activity is the Monkey Dance at the local community hall. I think it's something we watch, not something we do, but I am mentally prepared to dance if asked.

I started counting my bug bites. On my arm and torso, more than 38 so I stopped counting. 18 on my face. I look like I have the pox. I am sleeping under my bug net and am coated in Cutter, but it's not enough. Oh, well.

Many of the men here smoke clove cigarettes, and now I want one. Reminds me of how things smelled from about 1985 to 1988, and makes me want to listen to The Cure.

I am reading the best book: "Interpreter of Maladies" by Jhumpa Lahiri.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

 

The banana clip is alive and well

We've noticed several women whom we suspect are Aussies sporting the hair clip made popular in the '80s, the banana clip. I haven't seen anyone actually wearing a yellow banana clip, though, that would be too much for me to take. I am secretly tempted to buy one; I remember how high you can get your hair in the back. It might be just the thing to get some attention from these surfers.

We took a three-hour shuttle bus trip up to north Bali today into a teensy fishing village called Lovina. Our hotel has a pool and a grotto. I can tell what you're going to ask me next: Yes, it is a lot like the Playboy mansion except Weezer isn't playing on the lawn and our hotel manager, unlike Hef, has never ever taken a bath in his life, I know it.

No good spring rolls in three days!

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